Escaping reality too fast

Unfortunately, I did not become THAT guy on Friday and instead crumbled hard. I think complacency really hit me hard this week.

The relaxing mindset

What happened

Well as I said, last week was weird. The first four days, literally the most relaxed I could be. I barely had any learning to do and overall I just wasn't that focused on school. Friday, is when everything turned on its head. Those three tests I can't lie, I actually left them feeling so bad. Like it wasn't one of those pretend *humble* "oh no I did bad, trust me", but like I actually couldn't get that sickly feeling out of mind, and it might've just impacted each subsequent test I had.

The causes

I think there were a combination of two problems which led to this:

1. I just didn't put enough effort into the work as I could have. And I know in one of my other posts I said I'm usually nonchalant, but this time I KNOW I have done far worse than I could have. That's the main thing that is killing me. I KNOW my mark will be extremely average, maybe even below. This is probably one of those times, I genuinely came out of a test thinking "wtf did I just do".
2. I valued the tests too little. To be fair, the last test was 3/4 Methods, however it was formative and therefore doesn't even count. The rest were 1/2 tests so with my (not recommended) prioritisation of 3/4 subjects, I was kinda more relaxed with them.

Aftermath

Well this week I have a 3/4 Chinese test which does indeed count, so I hope that I can shift this mindset quickly before it's too late.

Anyways, at least this was a good lesson to me that I actually do need to concentrate and not be complacent. Last year same thing happened when I got too complacent with 1/2 Methods and choked a calculus test, but then I focused up and dropped perfect on the final exam.

However, the one nagging thing about this is that it slightly stresses me out, because now I know that I am liable to performing poorly and going into future tests, I might have this distracting thought stuck in my mind. Whether it becomes motivation or discouragement, I guess I'll only find out during those future tests.

Thoughts

I'm just gonna write some instrusive thoughts that I've had:

• I really hate talking about school, but sometimes I just don't know what else to talk about which is really annoying
• I can't tell if I have imposter syndrome or not, because I feel like I leech off others too much that I, myself, am not the reason for doing well
• Every year feels so difficult, but the next year when I look back, it actually seems so comfortable
• confidential

There's probably more that didn't spawn into my mind when I was writing this, so consider this an incomplete list.

Cues for memories

Slightly weird, but I often notice things which always remind me about something. Usually its like a song which I spam-listened to at the time and now I feel like its connected to that event/period of time/person/place.

There's also many other things and recently watching sport like the footy and stuff really brought me back to my childhood when I would have kickabouts with friends. Very nostalgic indeed.

Plans for next week

1. Do some work, don't just wait for the holidays
2. Find motivation to improve my skin (all the progress was lost this year)
3. Call people and talk to them haha

DM me 'obtuse' if you see this.