Wayward compass

Sometimes, it has felt like my life is on autopilot, just without a target programmed.

Directionless

I mean, it's not always a bad thing to let go of the present and just forget about things that are happening. It definitely helps calm me down from the chaotic aspects of life.

But its definitely a good thing to have a marker for the future constantly present, this way your actions now are always contributing towards something that you desire to happen.

However, recently I've just felt like no matter what I do, it never goes towards achieving anything, not even something like enjoyment from watching YouTube, or laughter from browsing reels.

Sometimes I will just open up YouTube, browse through the home page but not click on any video, because I have no desire to do so. I don't have a marker to relax by watching YouTube, so I was kind of mindlessly looking at those thumbnails with no intent.

So, I guess I should set down some of these targets, so that with everything that I do, whether it be studying or browsing social media, I do it with some form of intent. This way it won't feel like I've completely lost my mind and instead I can do whatever without feeling lost.

The big picture vs the present

I've also tried to start looking at life on a bigger scale than just this year. I mean, at this age, it is very important to look beyond just short-term goals, but to also consider how what I do now can affect so many things in the future.

If I was to go to a university overseas (say in the US or the UK), I'd need to do a lot more than what I'm doing right now to get in.

However, it's still important that I balance this sort of outlook with a motivation to do well in the short-term tasks that need to be done now.

I'm looking forward to a lot of things that will happen in 2024, 2025, 2026, etc. But just because of that, I can't just lose focus on what I need to conquer this year.

But hopefully by looking bigger picture, I can find some more goals in life that I want to hit and find a greater sense of direction.

Plans for next week

1. Be calm throughout the week
2. Set goals and build systems
3. Work on non-academic stuff

DM me 'quintessential' if you see this.